Golden Showers Means Greener Wallets

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Part time underground boxing promoter and part time inventor, Wallace Johannsen of Spillwater, KY, recently unveiled his new HumanBio Fuel car at a New York car show. The new HumanBio fuel allows the car to run off of an aqueous solution made from metabolites and electrolytes, or to be blunt, human urine, although the term being tossed around the professionals is, “car water.”

In a fit of excitement, Bobby Farswolin, a car show enthusiast, said, “I think this car water is great. It’s about time we all had a means to (pee) while driving, and now it helps the car drive, it’s the best of both worlds.”

While the patent is still pending, Wallace has been having a fantastic time travelling from city to city and showing off his car water contraption. “Most people stare in amazement because they can’t believe that to take a little road trip or get to work and back for the week, all they have to do is empty their bladder into their car every time they have to go,” Wallace said during a candid interview.

Wallace also stated that, “Our car water may soon become more valuable than gold…we are already calling it liquid gold!”

Wallace’s wife, Flora, added, “Eating foods rich in fiber and protein have been shown to help boost the gas mileage that our car water provides.” She allowed us to see the statistics and on a normal diet of coffee, water and fruit juice, one could get around 30 miles to the gallon. If asparagus, whole wheat or steak is added, an increase to 37mpg is seen.

When asked how he came up with the idea, Wallace said, “I was drunk one night and really needed to use the restroom. I looked at my car’s gas tank, and wished it was a urinal. I ended up passing out and wetting my pants, but the idea stuck when I sobered up the next morning and the rest is history.”

George Finnimon, petty thief and close friend of Wallace’s added, “With W’s method of car water, it makes it easy for everyone to chip in for fuel. Like the whole family or the carpool team…they can just fill up what they got, and feel good about it.”

Wallace plans to sell a car water brew, a fruit punch flavored beverage that is specifically designed to get up to 43mpg once it is “readied” for the fuel tank. The 16 oz drink is expected to be priced at $2.99.

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